Halloween 2009

Evanston city rules allow trick or treating from 4-7pm. Steve’s family arrived at 4pm on the dot, Finn dressed as a Star Wars guy and Rory dressed as an angry giraffe. Diana opened the wine and we put Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” on a constant loop. Then we waited for the trick or treaters.

And we waited. And we waited.

After nearly an hour with no visitors, we decided to take the boys for their first official trick or treat outing. Now, through children’s books and intense one on one training, I had been coaching Elijah on how to trick or treat. Ring the bell. Say your line. Get the candy. Say thank you.

So we tried it out on our neighbors’ house. Ring. No answer.

Next house. Ring. No answer.

Next house. Ring. Answer! Eli and Finn shouted, “Trick or treat!”

“Sorry kids. I’m not giving out candy this year.”

Eli looked at me as if to say, “Way to build it up, old man. I crammed into a stinky monkey costume for this?”

Luckily, around the corner, we saw a house totally decked out for Halloween. Complete with scary music piping out of the windows. Jackpot.

We approached and the owner of the house said, “Head into the foyer. Candy is on the table.”

I knew this joke. Kid goes into the garbage bag lined foyer. Kid grabs candy. Masked dude leaps out. Kids scream. Parents purchase nightlights in bulk.

The boys wandered into the foyer, oblivious. I loudly announced, “We have a two year old and a four year old here, people!” I turned to see a guy dressed as “Jason” hiding behind the door. He very politely explained his blood stained intention not to scare our kids. His zombie with its skin half off co-conspirator leaned in from the window and said, “Have a great night, kids!”

After a few more successes on the next block, we went home and commenced the Halloween dance party. Star Wars Guy, The Man In The Yellow Hat, Curious George and Angry Giraffe danced the night away to “Thriller” over and over. While Grover, dressed as a humping dog, humped me ferociously.

In case you’re wondering. Diana, Steve and Pam went as a film crew for Halloween. They taped every hump for future use for when I run for office.