Adventure!

Now that Diana is nearly incapacitated with son #2 (Bruce) in her belly, she is finding it harder and harder to keep up with our constantly on the run son #1. Elijah got away from her the other day in front of the grocery store and by the time she caught up with him he had almost gotten inside a Northwestern University dormitory.

Now, while that would make a great concept for an 80’s movie “30 Drunken Men and a Baby,” chasing Eli wasn’t Diana’s idea of fun.

So this weekend, the first one I haven’t been at work at since the Clinton Administration, I decided to attempt to give Diana some “Mommy Time.” I tried to describe the concept to Elijah.

“We’re going to leave Mommy alone so she can read her books an play on the computer.” Which only made Eli want to read books with his mommy and play on the computer.

So I used another tactic. “Let’s go on an adventure!”

Eli became much more excited about that prospect. We left our house and said the only rule was Eli got to decide where we went. I followed him down the street with Grover. He decided his idea of adventure was yanking on our neighbors’ front doors. I began to worry he’d actually find an unlocked door, and possible a shotgun toting paranoid inside, so I established our only rule of adventure: No breaking and entering.

At the end of our block, we discovered a couple arguing in their front yard. They had made the mistake of buying a massive oak dining room table, but opted out of paying for movers.

I whispered to Eli, “Should we rescue them as part of our adventure?” He ran up to the couple and began pounding on their table. They seemed confused why a 2 year old had suddenly entered their argument, but also pleased that he was articulating their frustration.

I offered to help them move the table. The couple had that look of, “How much is this bearded weirdo going to charge us?” I explained that we were having an adventure and were looking for good deeds. The only payment was to hold onto Grover’s leash and keep my son from moving into a dorm.

I placed myself at one end of the table and hoisted along with the husband. As I heard my vertebrae fuse, I realized I should have made an adventure rule about helping people with 1,000lb furniture.

I exited the house, hunched over, to find Eli running around their front yard and the wife attempting to comfort Grover, who was whining at my lack of being in his eyesight.

We finished our adventure by observing the Christmas House. A house down the street that has no less than 20 of those massive blow up decorations. The constant drain of their electricity was causing repeated fuse blows, and repeated deflation/re-inflation of the decorations.

It held Eli’s attention while I lay on the cement trying to realign my back.