Saturday, September 5, 2009
Scroll down a few HamannEggs entries. No, not to the one where I admit loving to see my son disfigure himself. The one where he destroys his room. Over the last week or so, we’ve been having trouble getting Elijah to nap.
Which seems harmless enough. So he’ll be a little sleepy. He’ll be a little droopy eyed and yawn a lot. But oh, no. When that kid misses a nap he turns into a different person. He is no longer Elijah, impossibly cute kid who sings the alphabet song and shouts “I love you!” He turns into Hajile, the devil boy. Hajile does not do anything that doesn’t involve screaming. Or throwing things. Like 150 pound dogs.
We do not like Hajile. We do not like when Hajile comes to visit. And the only way to keep Hajile away is napping. We, and I mean Diana, have been trying everything to encourage the nap. Begging, yelling, locking doors, threatening. But to no avail. And after an hour of so, Diana will finally have to open Eli’s door where she’ll hear the words, “There is no Elijah…only Hajile.”
So, out of desperation, I took an imaginary trip to Chicago City Hall. Where I had an imaginary meeting with the honorable Mayor Richard M. Daley.
“Imaginary Mayor, thanks for taking the time.”
“No Problem. Can I offer you a city job? You don’t gotta show up or anything.”
“No, thank you. I was wondering if you can give me some advice on getting my son to take naps.”
“I’m glad ya imaginarily came down here. While your particular kid problem may seem large, da solution is easy. Do what I always do. Bribe da kid.”
“Yeah, bribe da little S.O.B.”
“Wow. Thanks, your honor. We’ll try it.”
“No problem. Be sure you tip your waitress on the way out.”
So yesterday I bought a box full of fifty-cent plastic dinosaurs. And we explained to Eli that if he took a nap and didn’t destroy his room, he could have one.
And wouldn’t you know it? The little kid slept. And today he asked (ASKED) to take a nap so he could get a fifty cent dinosaur.
Hajile has been nowhere to be found. Eli has been an absolute joy. He spent the day with my brother’s kids at the zoo shouting, “I love the zoo! I love you, uncle Steve! I love songs!”
Thank you, imaginary Mayor Daley.
p.s. Today’s photo is the last known photo of Hajile.