Friday, November 7, 2008

Tupid Tupid Tupid

The other night I was enjoying re-watching the Obama acceptance speech and pretending I had something in my eye when Diana burst through our front door.

“Sick. Very very sick. Need soup. Sleep.”

After heading to Dominicks for a case of vegetable soup, I poured Diana into bed and crawled in beside her. As I stared up at the ceiling I thought, “This isn’t good. What happens if Elijah…”

On cue, Eli started wailing. I sprang out of bed to calm the boy so Diana could sleep. He was fiercely pissed. I concluded that he caught the same bug as Diana. I kept him in his sleep sack and held him in the rocking chair and soothed him.

After he calmed down I put him back into his crib. I got so far as our bed when he started howling again. Diana started moaning beside me. She needed sleep to survive.

This time, I ran downstairs and got him a glass of water. He eagerly slurped the sippie cup. I stroked his head and slipped back into bed.

5…4…3…2…1. Eli started yelling again. Diana kicked off her sheets and started to get out of bed. I pushed her back down and said, “I’ll handle this. Go to sleep.” Diana mumbled something incoherent.

I hoisted Elijah out of his crib and took him downstairs. I laid on the couch and put him on my chest. I made sure he was warm enough in his sleep sack. He seemed to calm down a bit and I thought he was on the verge of sleep.

I closed my eyes and thought to myself, “You got this father/husband thing all figured out, Hamann.”

Eli’s eyes sprang open and he started wailing again. Poor little guy. I rocked him and rocked him, but with no success.

By this time it was 3am and I was exhausted and out of options. I made the decision that Elijah was gonna have to man up and cry himself to sleep. I put him in his crib and crawled back into bed.

He was super pissed and howled louder and louder. Diana crawled out of bed and I said, “He’s fine. He just needs to sleep. Come back to bed.”

Diana ignored me and went into Eli’s room. A few seconds of silence went by and she came back into bed.

“He peed through his diaper and his pajamas were soaked.”

Eli immediately went to sleep. As did Diana. I, on the other hand, stared at the ceiling until morning.

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