Elmo Up Up

Steve and I headed down to Washington Illinois last weekend to help my mom with some housekeeping. Not literal. Emotional. So we figured, what the hey, let’s bring Finn and Elijah down. They have been getting along like champs.

The only blip on the way down was after passing the 100th consecutive McCain/Palin yard sign, Finn had enough and barfed a gallon of vanilla shake all over Steve’s car. Elijah was understandably freaked out so we spent 10 minutes holding our puke covered sons in a church parking lot saying, “It’s ok, it’s ok. Sarah Palin can’t get you. She’s not real. She’s just a character made up to scare liberals into voting.”

After our sons tag teamed to cover every inch of mom’s house with every single dust covered toy from our youth (Finn was delighted to see all the old busted Star Wars crap), we decided to head to the Happiest Place in Rural Illinois: WALMART.

We loaded up my mom with enough Lean Cuisines and ketchup to last her a month and then set our sights on the real reason we went to the home of the decline of western civilization. The Toys.

After selecting a nice Star Wars thing for Finn, I began to search the aisles for a proper Eli reward for being a good traveler. Truth be told, he could have burned Steve’s car to the ground and I still would’ve gotten him something. I’m a sucker. After cruising up and down the plastic haven, I spotted what I was there for: The Elmo talking things.

There was a “Tickle Me Elmo”, A “Scare the Crap Out of Rick Elmo” (with a moving mouth) and a “No Way In Hell Elmo” that cost $80. I handed Eli each one and he’d violently toss them to the ground. But then I handed him an “Elmo Up Up.” Which says, “Elmo up up!” Elijah gently kissed it on the mouth.

“We have a winner!” I proclaimed to the zit faced Walmart employee who was cleaning up the discarded Elmos.

Wouldn’t you know it? As soon as we got back to mom’s Eli promptly forgot the Elmo Up Up and went back to chasing Finn and knocking over valuable Star Wars antiques. I tried in vain to get Eli interested in the thing, including singing the Elmo Up Up song so often that even Finn asked me to knock it off.

When I arrived home yesterday I presented the Elmo Up Up to Diana, who said, “It’s creepy.” And on the kitchen floor it stayed. I couldn’t even get Grover to disembowel it.