Unsleep Over

Instead of a big trampoline palace party or Benihana thing, Luca opted for having a few pals join him to see a movie and then sleep over and play Fortnite way too late. Luca hand selected his most ardent Fortnight fan friends. Three pretty nice, fun goofballs who combined to be an absolute nightmare.

The movie viewing itself was uneventful. Except one kid thought it would be funny to shout out random things periodically to make the rest of the crew laugh. I did not laugh.

While Diana went to sleep, I let the boys stay up way too late playing the game while I read the new Jeff Tweedy biography. This was my downfall. I missed my window of opportunity to get them to sleep and they turned into the most annoying zombies on the face of the earth.

I managed to get them into Luca’s room and gave my usual threats. My head wasn’t even on the pillow before Luca was at my door.

“We think there is someone inside the house. We heard footsteps.”

I explained that those were most likely my footsteps trying to get back to my room. And we had a fancy security system, so if someone did get in, they were a super spy and we should be honored to be robbed by them. I sent him off to bed.

12.5 seconds later, Luca was back.

“We heard someone trying to open up my door.”

I made a dramatic display of searching every room in the house for the super spy. No spy. Off to bed.

12.5 seconds later, Luca was back.

“(Name Redacted) is scared and he keeps making me scared and we’re all scared.”

Out of desperation, I offered to sleep in the room so I could take the first attack from the super spy, giving them time to escape.

I crawled into bed and was witness to late night 9 year old chatter:

I’m scared. You are a baby. No, you are a baby. I’m sleepy. I’m not sleepy. I’m going to stay up for 4 days. You can’t do that, you’ll die. You suck at Fortnite. No you suck. I totally head-shotted you. Who is the best at Fortnite? Me. Me. Me. What’s your favorite Fortnite dance? Ew (Name Redacted) farted! I farted. Me too. That smells like pepperoni pizza. I want to go play Fortnite.

I sprang out of bed. “Enough! No more talking! No more farting! No more fun! Only sleep!”

I quietly slammed the door and stomped off to bed. I heard giggling farting through the wall.

12.5 seconds later Luca was back.