Mother's Day 2015

Hamann tradition is the boys get to select one item from Target for Diana for Mother's Day. Past items have included Terminator sunglasses and muumuus.

This year, in a move that would make Oedipus proud, Elijah and Luca picked out a matching panties set emblazoned with characters from Disney’s “Frozen.” When Diana opened it up (among some more legit presents), they demanded she do a fashion show with a vehemence that would also make Oedipus proud. Diana demurred. I suggested she do a private fashion show for me later, but then immediately felt gross about sexualizing Disney characters. Why does this product exist?

Normally, Mother’s Day involves me distracting the boys while Diana spends the day in the yard, gardening. However, we are embarking on a massive home renovation that will treat our original house as a mere suggestion. So we needed to clear out everything east of our dining room in anticipation of demolition.

So instead of puttering in the soil, Diana had to paw through and categorize a billion toys. When you lay out 8 years’ worth of children’s toys, it’s pretty staggering. We tried to enlist Eli and Luca to help, but they’d just clutch broken infant toys as if the sad, old dried out Cookie Monster Play Dough set was the key to their happiness.

We ended up sending the boys off to play video games and watch TV upstairs for twelve hours straight. Thus, making it the greatest Mother’s Day of their lives.

At one point, I thought we should go outside to practice baseball and I found them in a shirtless, pale pile on the couch. They hissed at me with red eyes like rabid raccoons.

Grover was no better. Moving boxes gives him anxiety because of some ancient trauma that befell some wolf ancestor of his. He spent the whole day sighing and looking at me pleadingly.

At the end of the day, Diana and I lamented our own lack of mothers and plotted evil things to do to the Facebook posters on Mother’s Day. But instead the family turned to our other Hamann tradition of saying what we love about guests of honor.

Luca, commented on Diana’s excellence in both kisses and smooches. To him there’s a difference. Elijah waxed poetic about Diana’s ability to spend money on him.

I simply asked everyone to look around. There was nothing that Diana love didn’t make better. From the walls of our house to our anxious dog who seemed at ease by her side to our beautiful, kind, funny sons. It’s Diana who makes everything in my life wonderful. 

I love you, Di.