Friday, January 9, 2015


Elijah and Luca are in this pretty great place where not only can they stand to be in the same room, they actually like (dare I say “love”) each other.

Last night I sat outside the bathroom while they bathed and debated their new store concept called “Great Place.”  Great Place will involve them giving away, not selling, toys and candy. But then they’d be able to take any toy or candy home whenever they wanted.

I can’t wait to see if Great Place is a success. I recommended their business plan to Diana for “The Wine Goddess” but she really only responded to the taking wine home whenever you want part.

But like all brothers who love each other, they can really only express it by constantly wrestling. Like puppies in a sack.

It’s my job as a dad to keep an ear on the constant wrestling to gage that time when wrestling shifts from delightful to violent. It’s hard to tell because screaming is screaming. I find it usually happens when the genitals are involved.

A knee to the testicles. A foot to the b-hole (that happens way more than you’d think). A flatulence to the face.

I try to give them a firm, “Knock if off!” before the crying starts. I almost never get the timing right.

But there are benefits from the constant fights. It helps Eli remove loose teeth. It prevents them from becoming complete sissies. And the NFL’s “Play 60” program recommends 60 minutes of physical activity involving your genitals a day.

I’m sorry for the lack of posts this week. I was in Las Vegas for some management things and to set the record for losing $200 at a $15 craps table. And they said under five minutes couldn’t be done.

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