The other night, I was begging Luca to brush his teeth when the phone rang. I saw from the caller ID it was Elijah’s teacher. Oooh. Scandal. Maybe Elijah showed his butt in class.
“Hi, this is Mrs. P____, Eli’s teacher. We had a parent teacher conference scheduled today and it seems as though you forgot…”
As a very nervous little boy who feared authority, it was a sense of pride for me that I never got in trouble. Ever. And I was not going to start now. So I immediately and thoroughly threw Diana under the bus.
“Diana forgot! Diana Diana Diana. It’s all her fault. She did it! Maybe we should take the children away from her. She’s a menace! And probably drunk too…”
As you can guess, his teacher hung up, confused and more than a little frightened.
Diana rescheduled and brought Mrs. P____ a lovely bottle of wine. So we learned that Eli is a lovely, well behaved child who is her favorite student by far.
Actually, he is doing great. Particularly in reading. According to Mrs. P____, they want you to be at a level 3 or 4 by the time you leave Kindergarten and Elijah is reading at a 7. She delights at watching him pour through book after book. And in all candor, I am extraordinarily proud of this kid. I was strutting around like a peacock upon hearing the news.
And yes, he still has trouble paying attention in class…cough cough too much TV…cough cough. But she didn’t seem too concerned over it. It comes down to the fact that he really wants to know what EVERYONE in his class is doing. Why is this kid crying? How come this other kid only reads at a 3? Why is Mrs. P___ chugging from that wine bottle?
Mrs. P___ ended the meeting with a detailed account of how I threw Diana under the bus on our phone call and how funny it is that I am insecure child.
And now I must destroy her.