My week back from vacation/work has been surprisingly busy. And I spent most of the day yesterday doing manual labor in the wine store.
Oh yeah. Did you know Diana is opening a wine store? It’s called Winegoddess and it’s in Evanston and you really should go Decebver 1. Seriously.
Where was I? Oh yeah, not being with my family. When I got home from building wine racks, Diana made a surprising and awesome suggestion.
“Let’s get dressed up and go to Red Lobster as a family!”
Now, did she suggest Red Lobster out of some ironic hipsterness? Or because she has fond memories from her childhood? Or because Red Lobster was about as nice as a restaurant we could comfortably bring two kids who have yet to leave the throwing food stage?
Probably all three.
Before we left, Elijah announced he would be wearing a tie. “To make the night more special.”
I asked him if I should go put on a tie. He sensed I wasn’t going to take it seriously and declined my offer.
On the way there, we reminded the boys about the basics of fine dining:
It is impolite to stand on the book seats and peer into your neighbor’s table. It is impolite to throw your popcorn shrimp into your neighbor’s table. Under no circumstances are you allowed to stick your hand into the live lobster tank. Why add insult to injury?
Red Lobster was surprisingly busy at 5pm. And no one in attendance shared our hipster irony.
Elijah immediately ordered a Pina Colada. The night pretty much went downhill from there. In the totally HamannEggs awesome way you’ve come to expect. The boys ordered $45 worth of food and combined to eat 3 butterfly shrimp. More for me. Luca became fascinated by our neighbor’s table and essentially joined them for the second half of their meal.
We way overtipped because, well, we turned our table into a nuclear waste site. I imagine some poor busboy is still cleaning out the cheesy bread crumbs from the booth crack. I’ve never been one to take photos of food and post them to social media. But seriously. Look at that table.
We made it home just in time for bed and Luca spent most of the entire night howling in terror. I think 1.5 butterfly shrimp did not agree with him. Or it could have been the Pina Coladas.