Wednesday, May 23, 2012


There is a scene in the movie “Animal House” where John Belushi’s character Bluto walks through a cafeteria line, shoving food into his mouth so he doesn’t have to pay.  It culminates in him cramming an entire hamburger into his face so aggressively it looks painful.

That is how Luca approaches every meal. 

I know I’ve addressed this before.  His epic messiness when he consumes food.  But this shoving junk into his mouth is alarming and gross.  It’s galarming.  He looks like a python trying to fire down a Yorkshire Terrier.

Diana and I constantly say, “Small bites, Luca.  Small bites.”  He looks at us with 30 carrots sticking out of his face and says, “What?”

Which sounds like “W*$$#^JH9?”

It all boils down to the fact that I do not want to give him the Heimlich Maneuver.  I don’t want to give anyone the Heimlich Maneuver.  Ever.  I have a gravestone already carved that reads “Here lies Richard Eric Hamann.  He never had to give the Heimlich Maneuver.”

Something tells me I’m going to have to dust off my chisel.  

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