Messy

A quick one before we begin:

Two days ago, Elijah was watching TV, intently as always, when Diana laid down next to him on the couch.

As she snuggled with him she said, “Eli, you smell like a pee pee factory.”

Without taking his eyes off the screen, he said, “You smell like a baby factory.”

And now onto the real story.

Luca goes to a pre pre school at the YMCA. It’s basically a daycare, but it’s run by lovely people who teach him lots of arts and crafts. And after a week or so of panic whenever Diana left (he’s his father’s son), he really loves it.

Recently I asked Diana how he was doing at school. Do the teachers agree with us that he’s the most awesome kid in the history of the world?

Diana smiled and said, “They say he is the messiest eater they’ve ever had.”

Huh. Ever? Ever is a pretty long time, dontcha think? Luca does eat with a certain…gusto. But he’s at an age where it’s socially acceptable to smash the cream cheese end of your bagel into your face.

Anyhoo, last Saturday, we attended my pal Tom’s daughter Iris’ birthday party. The party’s theme was “Tiny Town.” Tom had created a small village in his basement with a tiny zoo and tiny casino while upstairs we ate tiny tacos and tiny quiches. Both Steve and Diana separately came up to me and marveled at the 7oz Corona beers Tom served.

The afternoon culminated in a tiny cake for Iris. After I physically restrained Eli from “helping” Iris blow out the candles, a slice was placed in front of Luca.

“Use a fork,” I told him. Too late. He was mouthing a fist full of icing. He went after the like a lion into a fresh gazelle. I kept trying to force a fork into his hand, but gave up after a while because, quite frankly, I was afraid he’d eat the fork too.

Thankfully, the room’s attention was focused on Iris’ adorability. So no one really noticed Luca’s destruction. After he announced, “Dada! I’m done,” we hightailed it out of there so maybe cousin Finn would get blamed for the icing on Tom’s china cabinet.