Thursday, August 18, 2011

Love and Bagels

Elijah has a full blown case of Girl Crazy. He loves girls. L-O-V-E-S them. And he is very vocal about it. But not all girls, however. He’s picky about who he loves.

There is an Old Navy commercial out right now with three unbelievably hot women (they may actually be teens, but who can tell?) dancing in a bowling alley. Eli will point to the screen and say, “I love that one and that one, but NOT that one.”

“Are you nuts? They’re all crazy hot.”

“I don’t love her,” he said matter of factly.

He’ll pick out female characters in his books that he loves more than others. For instance, in the book where the animal kids earn money to go on a field trip, he loves the girl fox (natch) but not the girl badger.

He will also pick out women on the street he loves.

“Daddy! I love her.” And he can’t really articulate why. Is her boobs? Is it her hair? Her boobs?

“I just love her.”

He fell madly in love with a girl at Einstein Bagels who was sitting on the other side of a plate glass window. She noticed he was staring at her and began flirting with him through the glass. He completely freaked out and hid. I encouraged him to go over to her and express his love. He balked. Because he’s a Hamann.

And the other week, we were pulling into a parking spot at Whole Foods when Eli proclaimed, “Daddy! I love that lady in the car!”

I looked to the car next to us and saw a woman in her late 40s who could hardly be described as love at first site material. Seizing an opportunity, I leapt out of our car and pantomimed for the woman to roll her window down.

“Excuse me. But see that little boy in there? He just told me he was in love with you. I thought you’d like to know.”

The woman was far more touched than I thought she’d be. She blushed and meekly waved at Eli and drove off with a massive smile on her face.

Eli was mortified.

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