Real Bed

After sleeping in the bitterly ironically named “Pleasure Way” for several nights, I was more than a little happy to cruise with the boys down to Peoria to visit my folks in Peoria.

They had quite a bit planned for us. Deer sausage eating. Jelly bean eating. Cousin Chasing. Chex Mix eating.

But I’ll admit I was most excited about sleeping in a non-van bed. Aside from actual sheets and pillows, my stepmom Connie puts bottled water on the bedside table like a fancy hotel. As someone who stays in fancy hotels semi frequently, I appreciate this small touch.

After a long day of snake fireworks and water balloons (my brother Luke nailed Steve’s son Finn in the face with a million to one shot), I threw Luca into my dad’s ancient crib and threw Elijah into the big hotel bed.

I whispered in his ear, “I’ll come back up and sleep with you after I deplete grandpa’s wine supply, honey.”

I sat with the adults and chit chatted and watched my favorite show, “Local Peoria News.” Eventually, Steve and Pam announced they were heading to bed. Seconds later, Steve came back to the room.

“Your boys are screaming.”

I ran upstairs and, sure enough, both Luca and Elijah were bawling their eyes out. I wasn’t surprised. If one goes, they both go. I started my consoling with Luca. Within seconds he was pacified with a pacifier and was out cold. Eli was still howling.

I went to the bed and picked him up. He was soaking wet. I placed my hand on the bed. Also soaking wet. And then I found the culprit. Eli had poured the entire contents of the fancy hotel water bottle all over the bed. The only part of the bed that wasn’t saturated was large enough for a four-year-old boy.

Which meant I suddenly became bed-less. My dad produced a sleeping bag and I unrolled it on the hardwood floor. I muttered, “It’s better than the ‘Pleasure Way,’” and attempted sleep.

A few seconds later I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Eli.

“Dad. The bed’s wet. Can I sleep wif you?”

He immediately commandeered the sleeping bag and I was left with a college blanket and no pillow.

I longed for the Pleasure Way.