Friday, July 1, 2011

Dumb F*ck

A disclaimer. This post is about unintentional swearing. The swears have been changed to protect the innocent. But if you are a big fat baby and easily offended, f*cking forgive me.

I spent a few days out of town this week and had a flight home in which the pilot said over the intercom, “It could’ve been worse…” Worse being a fiery crash.

But I did manage to arrive home just before Luca’s bedtime. Diana handed him over and walked hopefully not out of the house forever. I dumped Luca onto the changing table and he looked at me ever so sweetly and said…

“Dumb f*ck!”

I said, “Uh, come again?”

“Dumb f*ck!”

“I’ll admit I’m no Rhodes Scholar, but let’s not stoop to name calling.”

“Dumb f*ck!” He was getting louder.

“Alright. Take it easy. You can’t speak to me like that.”

“Dumb f*ck!”

“Are you repeating something your mother said about me? I can’t be expected to remember to empty the dishwasher every day.”

“Dumb f*ck!”

“That’s it. We’re in a fight.”

I plopped him on the ground and slumped into the rocking chair, way more put out that I should have been.

“Dumb f*ck!”

“You know what? You’re the dumb f*ck! That’s right. What are you going to do about it?”

Luca was holding out his newest favorite book entitled, “Baby’s First Dump Truck Board Book.”

“Dumb f*ck!”

I put him on my lap and said, “I’m a dumb f*ck.”


Peggy Harris said...

That is the funniest thing I've ever heard. Jamie and I laughed and laughed.

Well hello there! said...

So perfectly told. This story couldn't have been told better. Couldn't have started better. Couldn't have ended better. Simply couldn't have been told better. Great.