F Minus

I finally figured out what makes Luca angry. What turns our otherwise peace loving blue-eyed wonder into a raging lunatic: learning. He hates it. He bucks off your lap the minute you break out any 1-2-3 or A-B-C book. He’ll gladly tell you trees are green and fire trucks are red. Unless that is, of course, you ask him what color a tree or fire truck is. You’ll get a big pile ‘o nothing for that. Or if you’re lucky, a hissy fit.

Which brings me to yesterday. At 9:30am, we found ourselves in the parking lot of Denver’s Jewish Community Center readying our boys for swimming lessons. Nope. No JCC jokes. It’s awesome and kick ass. Case closed. Sorry, Anti Semites.

Elijah was fighting off a summer cold and was being kind of a pill. He was whining about not wanting to do swimming lessons and claiming he would cry as soon as he hit the water.

Diana asked him, “Do you want mommy or daddy to go to your lessons?”

I prayed, “Say mommy say mommy say mommy say mommy…”

He whined, “I want mommy.”

YES! I looked at Luca in the rearview mirror and imaged our awesome swim lesson. I imagined us playing Chicken with the other toddlers and parents. I imaged us doing back flips off the high dive. I imagined us politely refusing to rub suntan lotion on the other moms.

The very second we entered the pool, Luca began to cry. Huh? Wait. My swim fantasy did not include him crying. Luca spent the next 8 hours (it felt like 8 hours) flat out refusing to do anything the nice swim instructor asked. Kick your legs? Nope. Float on your back? Nu uh. Sing aqua related tunes? Pass. I looked with semi panic at the other toddlers retrieving bricks off the bottom of the pool, blindfolded

The only thing he did do was dunk his head under the water. Because I dunked his head under the water without his permission. The swim instructor seemed pleased with my attempted drowning of my son and let us go for the day.

Meanwhile, Elijah was gleefully swimming and singing and jack-knifing at the other end of the pool. Diana gave me the “thumbs up.” I held up a snotty, weeping Luca in response.