Too many hours in front of TV as a child has given me fairly unrealistic expectations for my holiday celebrations. If my Christmas morning doesn’t include footy pajamas and a Red Rider BB Gun, I fall into a funk. If Halloween isn’t attended by at least one WW1 Flying Ace, I sulk in my Han Solo/Pirate costume.
So when I heard we were attending a real, live Memorial Day BBQ at our friends, The Goodriches, I fought hard against my mental demands that it be perfect. But deep down I needed it to be completely awesome.
When we arrived, it was 72 and sunny. Check. There was delicious Colorado beer in ironic cans. Check. There were both hot dogs and watermelon. Check. There were water guns. Double check. As I watched Jimmy’s kids, Tom’s kids and my kids chase each other through the sprinklers and occasionally cry, I realized this may be it. The holiday that lives up to every Brady Bunch episode ever.
Then Madeline, Tom’s unbelievably cute daughter, asked for permission to take her pants off.
Jimmy’s son then exclaimed, “I’m a naked boy!” And before I could protest, every child in attendance took their clothes off. There was no where for my eyes to gaze that wasn’t filled with watermelon covered naked bellies and soaked superhero underpants.
Elijah, of course, needed to be reminded constantly that we were keeping our underwear on.
I noticed that Luca kept all his clothes on. He seemed to look at the other nudie kids with mild contempt as well. I mouthed, “I love you,” to him.
But ten minutes later I found him shirtless in the sandbox, rubbing sand all over his naked belly.
p.s. I have, literally, hundreds of photos of this inappropriateness. But they broke my computer.
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