Scream or no Scream

Luca is teething. That is the only conceivable explanation for why he is acting like a complete jerkface these last couple days. He’s whiny. He’s cry-y. He clutches Diana’s legs with such ferocity that her pants end up on the floor at least 3 times a day.

And he simply refuses to sleep. When bedtime rolls around, we can expect at least an hour of him screaming, “MOMMY! WHERE ARE YOU????” before he collapses in exhaustion.

Elijah loves this latest development. If Luca is still screaming at his bedtime, he gets to sleep in our bed. And sleeping in our bed is the greatest thing ever. There are decorative pillows. It vaguely smells like dada farts. Diana’s stuffed bear is easily accessible and my stuffed Grover doll is never well hidden.

The question “Is Luca screaming or isn’t he?” has become the most exciting event of Eli’s night. See, we do Eli’s pre-bedtime books in our room, where we can’t actually hear if Luca is caterwauling. So when it’s time for him to bed down, I click on the baby monitor.

If we hear silence, Eli has to leave Contestant’s Row and sleep in his room (The studio audience groans). But if I click on the monitor and we hear screaming? Eli wins! The bells go off, confetti and balloons fall from the ceiling and Bob Barker reminds us to get our pets spayed or neutered.

I’ll admit I’ve been adding hype to the event. I try to get Eli whipped up by saying, “Whadda think? Do you think it will be ‘Scream? Or No Scream?’” And Eli stares at the baby monitor like it’s going to pop open and there will be a million dollars inside.

Last night he chanted, “Scream…scream…scream…” while pumping his fists. I flicked the monitor and there was only static on the other end.

Eli sunk his head in disappointment. I said, “Ohhhhhh. Sorry, Eli. Thanks for playing ‘Scream or no Scream.’ We have some nice parting gifts and of course the Scream or no Scream home version…”

And suddenly we heard over the monitor, “Mommmmmmmy!”

Eli jumped up and down like a college girl visiting Burbank, California.