Flat Spot

Those of you with infants know their heads are like Silly Putty. They’re a source of endless fun for kids of all ages, especially when they smile. They can also pick up newsprint. But that’s a form of abuse.

But unfortunately, having a Silly Putty head has its disadvantages as well. If you let a baby stay in one position too long, their heads can flatten. We fought hard against this with Elijah and narrowly missed the ultimate in baby humiliation: The helmet.

If a baby’s head gets too misshapen, they have to wear a helmet for 23 hours a day. I really don’t think babies mind because they have no sense of humiliation. Anyone who spends that much time sitting in his or her own feces can't really be too sensitive to what people think. But parents like Diana and I have heightened senses of humiliation.

But it’s starting to look like Luca is going to have to acquire his own flight gear. He has a really flat spot in his skull. We’ve tried be diligent about avoiding this inevitability. We place him in different positions in bed. We bought a thing that looks like a toilet seat to place his head in. We face him away from the TV so he has to move his head to the non-flat side to watch Curious George (he isn’t a fan). But it doesn’t work.

Why? He likes his flat spot.

It’s like that groove in your mattress that’s sooo comfortable after years molding to your butt. Or your favorite spot on the couch that’s sooo comfortable after years of molding to your butt.

Whenever we place him on his bed, he thrashes around until his head finds his flat spot. And then he lets out a sigh that says, “Yeahhh. There it is. My flat spot.” And then he falls instantly asleep.

When we look on the internet, the source for everything true and accurate, Luca’s head is the text book shape for a helmet. When we take him to the doctor, she says, “Yep, he’s getting a helmet.”

I’m bummed out. Diana’s bummed out. Luca could care less. If it indeed happens, he’ll only have to do it for a month or two, which means he will have no memory of his humiliation. Unless someone documents it. In a blog.

I’m thinking about painting it in the classic Star Wars Rebel alliance style. But I have a feeling Diana will veto.