Closet Redecoration

Time was, I loved to be out of town on big time commercial shoots. You get to stay in fancy hotels and act just south of insufferable with the staff. “I’ll have my three cheese, ham and bacon omelet with egg whites please. I’m watching my figure.”

But now that I’m married and have the Duke and Elijah, I spend most of my time trying to get home early. An actor will completely destroy his or her lines and I’ll shout, “We nailed it. Moving on!”

The worst part is the added pressure on Diana. It’s tough enough dealing with two babies on your own without having to ask your husband when he calls, “Is that an incredibly expensive meal I hear in the background? And do I hear Daryl Hanna two tables away?”

Both boys were fairly well behaved while I was gone. Except for one disastrous day.

Eli was so exhausted at school when she picked him up that he was heaving with sobs. Diana attempted to get him to nap, but he flat out refused. Constantly crying at nothing seemed to be a better way to spend his afternoon.

Finally, Diana banished him to his room. If he wouldn’t nap, he at least had to have some quiet time.

Diana came downstairs to the office to check to see if I had updated the blog (I hadn’t). She heard rustling upstairs and went in search of Eli. She found him in our room. He had taken an entire box bull of powdered formula, the stuff that costs more per serving than the really good beer I was drinking in LA, and poured the contents out. All over her shoes in our closet.

There were fine, white particles everywhere. In nooks and crannies that will never, ever come out. In nooks and crannies where feet go. Oh, did I mention it was our last container of formula?

Diana called me in tears. I walked away from the hotel pool so as not to add insult to injury. She asked if buying a dog crate was considered abuse. I broke it to her that it was.

Luckily, Eli knew he crossed the line. He has been dutiful about naps every since. Unfortunately, I have to fly back to LA this week. Pray for her to survive. And pray for me to get reservations at the good sushi place.