Those of you who are regular readers of HamannEggs (Carla Gaiser) know Elijah’s first official “Caddy Shack” moment was when he dropped a duce into the tub with me in it and I screamed, “Doody! Doody!” But now I present to you an even better “Caddy Shack” moment.
A few days ago, Diana took Eli back to the Lisle water park with her folks. It was already momentous because her father attended. His opinion of water is like my opinion of emptying the Diaper Genie.
Di and her folks were at kiddie pool’s edge watching Elijah have a conniption of joy. Apparently, he was so overjoyed with, um, joy, that he was flopping around in the pool and essentially dunking himself it the 1/2 feet of water.
At this point in Diana’s telling of the story I interrupted her. “So you’re saying you sat at pool’s edge watching our son drown himself?” I cried with indignation. “Were you drinking?”
Diana sighed audibly and continued her story.
After his tenth or eleventh self dunk, Diana waded into the kiddie pool. She hoisted Eli up to a standing position.
“Hey, watch out. You keep this up and you’ll puke.”
Eli must have thought this was a suggestion rather than a warning. He launched an entire stomach’s worth of pool water and macaroni and cheese into the pool.
The crowded pool immediately turned into the infamous Baby Ruth scene in “Caddy Shack.” Which was an homage to “Jaws,” but “Jaws” had much less impact on me in college. Mothers snatched up their kids and ran, screaming. Children ran into each other, knocking themselves out. Trash fires began in earnest.
Diana thanked her lucky stars she had brought a truck load of pool toys. She grabbed the nearest plastic bucket and scooped up the macaroni.
The sullen lifeguard leapt down from his or her perch and ran over. Diana thought she was about to be banned from the Lisle water park, but he/she was cool about it and simply asked if Eli was ok.
Diana said he was fine and walked over to the nearest bush to deposit the macaroni soup.
Suddenly, the loudspeaker blared.
“ATTENTION. ATTENTION. THE KIDDIE POOL IS CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.”
Diana and her parents grabbed Eli and hightailed it out of there to avoid getting lynched.
2 comments:
Wow. Thanks for the shout-out! Great story, but I think I have you beat. It involves a child puking an entire stomach-full of milk in the main dining room at the Olive Garden. By the way, the dining room was PACKED with people who had just waited upwards of an hour for a table...
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