E-Learning

Hey gang, I’m sorry I haven’t written much lately. Sitting at my desk all day looking at Twitter instead of doing my work is exhausting. Sometimes the prospect of looking at Twitter instead of writing a HamannEggs is just too much.

 

But I am totally motivated today. 

 

E-learning started a week ago. It’s depressing and boring and isolating. But Elijah and Luca are resilient kids and understand its either this or be exposed to something far worse: Republicanism. BAM!

 

We positioned Luca in the basement. He’s a Hamann through and through (anxiety ridden) so we know he’ll do his work. We positioned Eli in the living room because he is a little motivation deficient. I am able to check on him in between my meetings. I’ve only busted him watching “Greys Anatomy” on his phone during class once.

 

E-learning gives me the opportunity to pay the boys back for interrupting me for the last six months. There is nothing more inviting to my children than their father presenting ideas to an important client. Oh, you are having a tense conversation about a million dollar campaign? This seems like the perfect time to ask if we can get Chipotle for lunch. The camera is on you while you are pitching a new commercial? Let me take this opportunity to stroll by in nothing but a Bears Stocking cap.

 

Quick story: I was in a meeting with the camera on, and Diana walked in completely naked to hand me the phone. Naked. Nude. Sans underpants. The CMO asked, “Was that your kid?” Yes. Yes it was.

 

Yeah, so it’s payback time. I appear behind both of them like a 47 year old ghost while they are presenting their schoolwork. I do TicTok dances in the mid background. I shout, “I am going to the store, do you need any more diarrhea medicine? For your diarrhea? In your butt?”

 

This is all met with the proper amount of screaming and hatred. And then I shout, “This is payback for all the times you ruined my calls! Haha! I’m an adult!” 

 

We’ve come to an agreement not to bomb each other’s calls anymore. Now they just crawl into my office and shout-whisper their daily request from the floor.