Tuesday, January 21, 2020

Secret Life of Eli


We’ve officially entered the Closed Door phase with Elijah. What goes on in there? What secret projects is he cracking? What mysterious activities are unfolding just beyond?

The world may never know. Well, I know. I constantly barge in without warning.

He’s almost always on YouTube. Or Tic Toc or whatever video based social media platform is currently in vogue. But as he spends more and more time behind closed doors, I worry he’s getting farther and farther away, and one day he’ll come downstairs a complete stranger. A bearded, strapping, Australian stranger. Yes, my greatest fear is he will turn into Chris Hemsworth. 

In the interest of maintaining a death grip on the few emotional threads I have left, I offered to take Eli and the neighbor girls to the mall to hang out, do a little light shopping and wear our leg warmers. They all giddily agreed.

My plan was to play it cool and embed myself into Tween life, Jane Goodall-style. But I also brought a book in case they ditched me.

Thankfully, they let me hang with them the whole time. Mostly because I had money and was open to spending it in small, Annie’s Pretzel chunks. 

After an awkward beginning where I made them go to J.Crew to visit some mid-priced casual pants, they got more comfortable and started being themselves. 

And let me tell you, the Eli self is a straight up goofball. Every store was a new chance for him to do a bit. He smeared eyeliner on himself and neighbor girl #1 (sorry Sephora employees), he pretended to be a DJ in the Apple store and caused a near riot in the candle store. I lost count of how many snowballs he threw. He did voices. He did characters. He did do much shtick he could be mayor of Vaudeville.  

I loved it. My sincere wish for both my sons is they never lose their sense of fun, never lose their goofball-ness. And Eli was living his best goofball life. As a result, I bought him as many bath bombs and cheeseburgers as he could carry. 

The best part? I felt like we made a real connection. It was a rare Eli and Dad love fest. And when we went home, he ran to his room to hide.  


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