The Better Mousetrap

I’ve written before about Elijah and my secret late night TV watching. I don’t care that he’s grouchy all day or that his grades are slipping or that he has dark circles under his eyes. We’re bonding!

Last week, we were sitting in the dark, making our way unto our third episode of “Parks and Rec” when Eli cocked his head.

“What was that?”

Skritch skritch skritch. A mouse.

I was not in a mental state to see a mouse. So I said, “I don’t hear anything. Besides, if we stay really still maybe the nothing thing will go away.”

Skritch skritch skritch.

“Dad. Turn the light on. I’m scared.”

I walked over to the light switch, which gave me a chance to pray that it was homicidal maniac and not a mouse. But when the light went on, we saw a little mouse darting around our stovetop.

Diana has requisitioned our humane mousetraps for the wine store, so we had no humane way to deal with this fury, frightened fella.

Eli shouted, “Burn him!” Burn him? That could work, but I wondered what a flaming, panicked mouse would do to our kitchen. Most likely run up my pantleg.

I grabbed a large bowl and Eli did the same. I wasn’t sure what we were gonna do with the bowls, but I was kind of hoping the mouse would do us the favor of hopping into one and saying, “Cheerio, chaps! Just drop me at the nearest leaf pile and I’ll be one my way!”

The mouse took one look at the big bowls and raced to our big spoon holder thingy. There were little holes in the big spoon holder thingy, so he squeezed inside and hid among the things that touch our food.

I ordered Eli to open our side door and I grabbed the big spoon holder thingy. I ran outside squealing, “Don’t run up my sleeve! Don’t run up my sleeve!” The mouse leapt from the big spoon holder thingy and raced outside.

I slumped onto the couch with Eli and we decided to celebrate by watching another three episodes of our show.