Underwear and Pigs

A few weeks ago, Diana went to New York to see a man about her blindness. Long story short, the trip was super successful, and she learned her good eye will most likely stay good for the next ten years or so, as long as she keeps getting injections.

Diana brought along our neighbor Lexa to act as seeing eye friend in case they needed to take her eyes out to wash them or something. It ended up being a mini NYC vacation for the ladies, which was just as good.

That left neighbor Chris and I to kid duty for a few days. It felt like a plot for a bad 90’s movie, but it mostly ended up being a series scheduling mishaps and near abandonment.

Chris had to work late one of the nights, so I took charge of all four kids. Whenever Callie and Lydie come over, I continue my efforts to make up for that time I yelled at everyone when they were six.

We ate pizza and played board games and generally made a mess of the house. An hour or so before bedtime, I suggested we play “Pig.” Pig is a card game taught by my step mom that involves a lot of yelling and the crowing of a loser each round.

In order to keep interest in the activity, I suggested a series of punishments for the loser. This involved a teaspoon of hot sauce, standing in the snow for 5 seconds, and a teaspoon of vinegar. Come to think of it, most of the punishments involved a teaspoon.

The grand punishment, devised by me, was the loser of said round had to spend the rest of the game wearing one article of Diana’s wardrobe. This was gleefully accepted by the kids. After the round, the loser was crowned: Lydie.

The kids erupted and went upstairs to pick out her punishment. I stayed downstairs and cleaned up a few dishes.

It dawned on me that there were articles of clothing that weren’t appropriate for a 10 year old to be forced to wear. I did not want game night to devolved into an underwear party.

I called upstairs, “Hey! No Diana underwear!”

Luca began chanting, “Underwear! Underwear! Underwear!”

I called again, “No underwear!”

A few minutes later, Lydie came down in a perfect choice for her punishment: a tasteful Diana robe (that was technically my robe).

We got back to the game and I realized Luca was still upstairs. I called upstairs, “Luca! Get Diana’s underwear off!”

“Fine,” he said. And we finished the game with me losing a round and having to run through the Grover poop graveyard.