Luca Cheese

This week, Diana traveled up to the Mayo Clinic to get some world class experts to tell her stuff she already knew about her disease. I’ve been a little busier than usual lately, so Diana enlisted the help of her Dad to watch Elijah and Luca (with a little Schuyler thrown in for good measure).

Di’s Dad is great and obviously knows how to handle two kids, but the boys’ schedule is complicated and you gotta drop them off at different doors than the ones you pick them up and there is play practice and play dates and 400 other things to keep track of. Plus Grover duties.

Luckily for everyone involved, Diana constructed a massive “Guide to Keeping Our Children Alive.” She typed up hour by hour instructions about who needs to be where and when. Plus a crescendo list of emergency phone numbers. The Guide is deep, intricate, and exhaustive.

Or so I thought.

Last night, I got home a little later than usual and wolfed down some leftover pizza and spaghetti (mental note: refill blood pressure medicine). Di’s Dad and I watched a little MSNBC with the volume all the way up and then I went upstairs for some Be-Withs with Luca.

His lights were turned off and he was all tucked in his bed. I crawled in beside him and noticed it smelled like cheese. I asked if he had been eating in his room because that’s against the rules, mister man.

“I haven’t eaten anything.”

Really? Man, it smelled like cheese. Was Luca hiding Gouda in the radiator? Eli popped his head in to request sleeping in my bed. He said, “It smells like cheese in here.”

Eventually, I went into my room where Eli and Grover had taken over the bed. I found my 2 square feet and tried to nod off.

A few minutes later, Luca came in asking if he could join our bed party. After allowing it, I realized it wasn’t Luca’s room that smelled like cheese. It was Luca. Luca’s body had turned into cheese.

I then realized Diana’s exhaustive Guide To Keeping Our Children Alive was missing one key section on bathing. Our children had not bathed in 4 days. Hence, the cheese.

I told Luca he needed to de-cheese after school and I added “Wash Stink Off” to the Guide.