The Mission

Hey gang! I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a little while. I decided to leave America’s Finest News source to take a job back in advertising. For a whole host of reasons that include me just being good at it. When I told Luca, he burst into tears. When I told Elijah, he asked how much I would make.

I promise to post more often than the zero I’ve done over the last couple weeks. But I do have an excuse for last week’s lack of writing: The family and I went to Mexico! I didn’t have a computer, but I did manage to write down a couple notes for potential blog posts that include “boat” and “food.” Look out for those soon.

Our trip to Zuihaten…Zoojatanhe….Mexico overlapped with Diana’s birthday. In the days leading up to our trip, I asked her what she wanted. The response was, “Nothing. Just this trip.” I know better than to fall for a trap like that.

So, I hatched a plan with the boys.

We would select smallish gifts from Diana’s favorite knickknack store and I would smuggle said gifts in my backpack and we would surprise her with them at a dinner on our last night. The boys were totally down for it.

But in the days leading up to the trip, Luca became obsessed with the plan. What are the exact details? What are we going to do every step of the way? What are the contingencies? Do we have cyanide pills in case we’re caught?

I sat him down (it’s important to note Eli could care less about the plan) and outlined the whole thing. We would hide the gifts in our pockets at the hotel. Then walk to a cab. Enter a cab. Ride in the cab to the restaurant. Exit the cab. Walk 12 feet to the restaurant.  You get the idea. Luca wanted deets.

Occasionally, while we were lounging at the pool, Luca would loudly announce, “Dad! Can we go over the plan?” Thankfully, Diana had perfected the art of ignoring all poolside cries from her children that don’t include “Help. I am drowning.”

On the night of the mission, the boys crammed their presents into their pockets and Eli got the idea to throw Diana off his trail by loudly announcing, “Mom! I am going to bring an Uno deck to dinner. That’s why I have a box shape in my shorts.” Perfect.

We arrived at dinner and ordered drinks, which was the big signal. I announced that I had to go pee and asked the boys to join me. They both outrageously winked and theatrically said, “Yes father.”

We caught up with our waiter and explained that we would like her to place three gifts on a plate and bring them to the lady at our table. Our waiter looked at us with complete and utter confusion. You want me to what? When? Are these gifts for me?

The boys and I backed away from the waiter, confident that our plan was completely busted. Luckily, Eli did actually bring that Uno deck.

But suddenly the waiter arrived with the gifts on a nicely decorated plate. Diana was surprised and touched and we all told her the things we loved about her. Number one on our list was her ability to fall for poorly planned surprises.