Tuesday, July 12, 2016


I was sleeping in Luca’s room and Grover was doing that thing where he shoves his wet, cold nose in my face to wake me up and take him outside. This should enrage me, but I love it more than anything. Life is so stupidly complicated, I wish all communication could consist of shoving our noses into each other’s faces.

As I slipped into whatever pair of pants I would occupy the whole weekend, Luca sleepily asked, “What’s that scratching on the window?”

 I said, “Probably tree branches,” as I opened the shade.

Nope. Not tree branches. It was a little bird. A little bird that had somehow gotten stuck between the storm window and the screen. It was flapping its little arms in a desperate attempt to escape. But no luck.

Luca, understandably, freaked out. Not scared. He was just really enthusiastic about this animal. But more importantly, enthusiastic about me saving it.

This went against my initial instinct just to close the shades and never, ever open them again.

“I’m not sure what to do here, pal. Maybe he wanted to commit suicide and this would go against his wishes.”

“I’m going to name him Jack,” Luca said. Now it had a name.

It’s time like these that I miss my dad. I desperately wanted to call him. Not because he would have any advice whatsoever, but I imagine he would have really enjoyed making fun of me.

Diana appeared in the doorway and Luca excitedly got her up to speed. The bird’s name is Jack and I was right about to save him. Any minute now.

Diana informed us that she would be closing the door now, so when our solution inevitably released the bird into Luca’s room, it would be trapped in there with us.

My painfully full bladder inspired me to find a solution fast. I slowly raised the screen a few inches. In a panic, Jack immediately evacuated his bowels and latched on. I inched the screen slowly, but surely. Jack rode the screen elevator, peeing and pooping his guts out the whole time.

Luca loved this. And I think he actually looked at me with a tiny bit of admiration.

Eventually, Jack reached the top floor and he flew away. I like to think he went off to tell his bird friends the story of how a hu-man saved his life. And one day when I’m cornered by wolves, Jack will swoop in and return the favor. 

But more likely he got eaten by a cat.

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