Thursday, May 5, 2016

Dad Morning

I had a late morning flight on Wednesday. Rather than go all the way to the office and then to the airport, I decided to take the time to completely ruin everyone’s routine.

Grover followed me around all morning with a look that said, “Okay, human. Time for you to go. Leave now. Leave. Leave NOW…”

Diana made herself a cup of coffee and attempted to have a few minutes of peace and quiet before the boys woke up. As she sat at the computer looking at Facebook, I stood behind her and said, “When do the boys need to wake up? Shouldn’t they be up by now? What’s the eta for them to be at school? Give me the lunch situation. Seriously. It’s 7:05. Shouldn’t they be up by now?”

Given no real answers from Diana, I raced upstairs and violently threw open the boys’ window shades. I also thought it would be nice to yank off their covers like the tablecloth magic trick. Luca gave me a look that said, “Oh. I guess I hate you now.”

School starts at 9. So I asked Diana, “What time do you guys leave? 8:30? 8:32?”

Diana said, “We try to get out door by 8:50.”

“Are you insane?”

I then used my patented motivational technique of shouting “Guys! Let’s go!” several hundred times.

By 8:40, I was in what can only be described as “A state of unrest.” I told Elijah and Luca that I would be in the car and that car would be leaving the garage at 8:45 with or without them.

As the boys got their seatbelts on, they had expressions of fear mixed with tiredness mixed with a sincere wish their dad was at work now.

We entered the school parking lot and Eli said, “See dad? There is no one else here. We’re the only ones at school now.”

I said, “Yes. Isn’t it great?”

Eli immediately ran to his side of the school to escape, but Luca was stuck with me. Gradually, less insane moms and dads dropped their kids off and the kindergarten teachers began collecting their classes.

Luca asked me, “Dad. Did you bring my journal? And my teacher appreciation card? And my backpack?”

“What? No. I didn’t know about any of that stuff. Why didn’t you tell me about that stuff?”

Luca burst into tears and I decided then and there to use my next morning off to sleep.

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