Thursday, January 14, 2016

I “Forced” Him To Like Star Wars. Get It?

As I sit in my super Star Destroyer, clad in my black hood, I marvel at how easy it was luring my sons to loving Star Wars. Yes, their mother resisted the Dark Side, but she proved powerless against this inevitability. Muahahahaha!

Truth be told, I really never got my Star Wars claws into Elijah, despite forcing him to watch some pretty graphically violent movies at the age of four. While he appreciates them, mostly out of pity for his father, he doesn’t have the unhealthy obsession I was hoping for. He’s lacking that true nerd gene that pushes out thoughts of girls and music and social interaction for people dressed in rubber suits. I usually lose him after two minutes debating which Empire Strikes Back bounty hunter was probably the best kisser (Bossk).

Which brings me to Luca. The poor child who inherited much more than my bow-leggedness. Luca spends every waking hour thinking about Star Wars. Drawing Star Wars. Playing Star Wars. Asking me about Star Wars. But oddly, hardly ever watching Star Wars.

Such obsessiveness would give a normal parent pause. But I simply rub my hands wickedly while exclaiming, “Yes! Yes!”

Every night, Luca refuses to sleep unless I tell him an elaborate Star Wars story casting he and I as light saber wielding Jedi Knights. I try to keep the stories focued on good versus evil and truth and justice. Luca, on the other hand, wants to keep the “War” in Star Wars.

“And then the heroic Jedi Knights, Luca and Rick, heroically faced the armies of the Galactic Empire…”

“And shot them in the face!”

Whoa whoa whoa, let’s tighten the reins on that Tauntaun, buddy. Shooting in the face talk does not work in a house where the mommy is a member of four separate anti-gun groups. I tell him guns are bad. This is all pretend. Good guys don’t kill. And never, ever let your mom watch you play Star Wars Battlefront on Xbox.

Luca always nods in agreement and understands the difference between right and wrong.

Okay back to it.

“And then Jedi Knight Rick swings his light saber, which is slightly longer than Luca’s light saber, and…”

“Slices a guy’s arm off!”

No comments: