Treasure Island

I’d been losing ground to Diana lately. Competing for my children’s love is a both a game only I know about and a game I constantly lose. Granted, it’s a lot like challenging Mike Tyson to a boxing match or Charles Barkley to a Krispy Kreme eating contest. But I still want to at least try to be the favorite parent. 

Even if it’s against the woman who gave birth, bathes, feeds, clothes, comforts, cuddles, bandages Elijah and Luca every day.

I actually think I’m making it close with Luca. If only because he loves everyone 100 percent, 100 percent of the time. So I think I’m tied with Diana. But I’m also tied with The Mailman and the lady who is both a crossing guard and works at Jewel.

Eli is a little tougher. I mean, I know he loves me. Because I make him say it all the time. But he’s getting to the stage where he doesn’t need me to occupy his attention all the time and I’ve twisted it in my head to him not liking me as much anymore. Oh yeah, I know that’s insane. I never claimed to be a stable person. I just love the kid so much.

Anyhoo, I announced to Diana that I wanted to spend the day with Eli, just him and me.

Diana thought that was a great idea and even went so far as to get us tickets to a local production of “Treasure Island.” I’m sure this was in reaction to her mind’s eye’s depiction of our day: 4 hours of Xbox followed by McDonalds followed by TV. I know! Great, right?

Eli spent a good portion of the day at a trampoline birthday party. But I like to take credit for that fun since technically it occurred during our special day and he didn’t hyperextend his knee. I also gave him permission to spend his own money on a Gatorade, so I was looking good.

We arrived at the playhouse and Eli asked why we had to go see a play. I said, “Because your mom wants you to be inspired to become an actor.”

I instructed him to say, “Maaaaaaybe,” when Diana asked him later if he wanted to act when he grows up. We actually quite liked the play. Especially the stabbing parts and the snack bar.

Afterwards, we went to our favorite BBQ takeout joint to get dinner for everyone.  He ended up wetting his pants, but I could not be held responsible for his tiny bladder combined with Hecky’s lack of bathroom and slow roasting.

I couldn’t tell if in the end it resulted in him liking me any more or less. He did use my “Maaaaaaybe” when Diana quizzed him about acting later that night.

Oh! And he also offered to tweeze my ear hair. So that’s something.