Friday, September 11, 2015

You Got Papped!

This may be a post our more sensitive readers will want to skip. Because it involves female genitalia. And while barfing and pooping and peeing are fair game for the blog, woobies, hoohas and cha chas don’t usually find their way into Elijah and Luca’s antics. Yet.

Garth and Sara’s wedding we attended last weekend was in Kent Ohio, home of Kent state. Kent state was where something happened that necessitated a memorial, but it was too hot to walk all the way over there.

Our hotel was right off campus and man do I love being off campus. Kent, like all campus towns, is basically just a collection of places for students to drink beer interspersed with traps for moms and dads during Parent’s Weekend. The only bummer is I am far more likely to be mistaken for a mom or dad than a student.

On a walk around the block, Diana pointed to a sign on the second floor of a building. It was a huge sign, with jaunty letters that read “Paps!”

Completely forgetting the fact that we were holding hands with an 8 year old and a 5 year old, Diana and I launched into a routine where we envisioned the owner of “Paps” to be an aggressive, in your face gynecologist. After each pap smear examination, this doctor would shout, “You got papped!” We then expanded this fictional doctor’s routine to shouting his catch phrase whenever something outrageous happened. Like Ashton Kutcher in his “Punked” show. “You got papped! You got papped!”

It was stupid and silly and a lot funnier if you were there. Like Eli and Luca.

They immediately demanded answers from us. Well, a gynecologist is a female doctor. No a doctor of female parts, not a doctor who is a women. A pap smear is a vagina examination. Yes, it does sound gross. No, there isn’t a pap smear for boys. No, the doctor doesn’t really say “You got papped.”

We regretted the juvenile jokes. We regretted them even more after Luca and Eli started using the catch phrase over and over again. “You got papped!” they shouted from the car window.  “You got papped!” they shouted at Garth and Sara’s wedding. “You got papped” they shouted at the woman leaving the gynecologist (not really).

On our way out of town, Luca forgot the actual catch phrase and shouted, “Vagina examination” at a passerby.

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