Thursday, July 23, 2015

The Plan

My diabolical plan is about to reveal itself to the world and Elijah and Luca will never be the same.

One week from this Saturday, I will roust my sons from their beds and announce they must get out of their pjs immediately and into play clothes. Why, do you ask? Because one week from this Saturday we are going to Disneyworld.

I have acquired a stretch limousine which will take us, and cousin Finn and cousin Rory and uncle Steve, to O’Hare where we will take a flight immediately to New Jersey.

Yeah, we have to do a layover in New Jersey.

But then, we will immediately fly to Orlando for the completion of my diabolical plan.

This plan doesn’t happen to involve Diana, which is a huge bummer. But she has to cover for two of her Wine Goddess employees who happen to be married and are having a baby any minute. Plus, she hates Disney so much there was no humanly way she’d enjoy herself.

This has been an incredibly hard secret to keep. Mostly because the sentence “If you don’t clean up your plate I am canceling our Disney trip” is constantly on the tip of my tongue. But I just felt the surprise is the most delicious part of the whole thing.

I mean, if you were five and your mom and dad sprung a Disney trip on your head, wouldn’t it blow your friggin’ mind? I just had to make it a secret.

I’ll admit I do take a little sick pleasure in the power I wield. At the beginning of the summer, Eli lamented the fact that all his friends got to go to Disney and he hadn’t. I frowned an evil frown and said, “Oh buddy. I’m sorry. I just don’t think we’ll be able to do Disney this year. Maybe next year. Or the year after.”


I’ve also been taking every opportunity to twist the knife by saying I’m really busy at work and I don’t think we’ll have time to do anything, vacation-wise, this summer. But playing in the yard is just like vacation, right?


Yes, I know I’m being cruel. And those disappointments may actually causing some emotional damage. And there may be a chance the Travel Gods will smite our flights. But I think the joy damage will outweigh the emotional damage.

So do me a favor. Keep your mouths shut for the next week or so, ok?

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