Monday, July 13, 2015

Slow Speed Chase

On Saturday, the weather was kind of crappy so the cousins and we decided to drive to the mall. Why the mall? Because where were you when we were trying to figure out what to do?

My brother and I split up kids and I took Luca and Finn. My brother took Elijah and Rory. A few minutes into the drive, Luca asked, “Dad? Can we play that game where we are police and have to catch the bad guys?”

I suggested we amp the game up a little bit and use Uncle Steve’s car as our perp. We then embarked on the slowest high speed police chase in the world. 

I gradually accelerated to 31 blazing miles per hour and quickly overtook Steve, who like all Hamanns likes to drive just under the speed limit. I checked my blind spot and gently pulled up along side Steve’s car, making sure I used my turn signal liberally.

Inside Luca’s head we were going 110 MPH on who wheels with our siren blaring. Luca rolled down his window and shouted, “Pull over!”

The occupants of Steve’s car knew the jig was up, because a tiny Rory finger gun poked out of their car and she began shooting imaginary bullets at us (I assume they were pony shaped). I gradually eased up on the gas and let Steve get ahead of us.

I then rammed Steve’s car to disable it. Or in other words, I inched up to within 40 yards of his bumper and shouted, “Bam!” Steve shook his fist at us and I could see Eli’s head wildly bobbing and weaving in his car seat. It’s possible he was playing another game entirely. Probably “Hip Hop Dance Troop.” But Rory continued firing ponies at us.

We finally trapped our perps in the Nordstrom parking lot by easing along side them, opening our door (being careful not to ding the other cars) and shouting, “Put your hands on your heads!”

We then arrested them all and took them to the frozen yogurt stand for questioning.

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