Thursday, June 19, 2014


This summer, we’ve undergone some home renovations.  We put in a new screen door and an impossibly beautiful deck.  Diana also suggested we put in a swing set. 

No, I said.  This time I have to put my foot down.  We live a half block from a park.  They’re a huge pain in the butt to put together.  I don’t think our kids will play on it.  It’s a waste of money.  So no.  I’ve been pretty good about stuff like this.  So no.  Nope.  Foot is down.

The swing set arrived two Saturdays ago.

As you recall, in 2009 Diana’s Dad and I put together the swing set at our old house, the Adventure Playsets Trail Blazer Wooden Swing Set (APTBWSS).  Or as I liked to call it, my arch nemesis.

This time, I had the help of Diana’s Dad, Our neighbor Chris and my Brother to build the APTBWSS 2.  I was determined not to fall into any dad clichés.  I was determined not to smash it in anger.  Determined not to end up with a pile of unused nuts and bolts and parts.   Determined not to get drunk before it was done.

As the sun went down hours later, I laid alone in the APTBWSS 2’s fort, surrounded by literally hundreds of mismatched screws and bolts.  And many many PBR cans. 

The fort swayed in the breeze and I began randomly inserting screws into the wood to stabilize it.  The slide sat unattached on the ground, mocking me.  I ran out of patience and went inside to announce no one could play on the thing meant to be played on until dad could fix it.

All week, I would look into the yard and it would speak to me in a ghost voice, “Youuuuu are ineeeeeept.  Youuuuuuu barely qualify as a maaaaaaan. Youuuuu are a tiny little giiiiiirrrrrl.”

Last Saturday, I was determined to fulfill my duty as a father and complete it.  My brother came over and divine intervention hit us both and we finished the swing set in under an hour. 

We then put together a table for the deck and some other outside furniture.

You’ll be happy to know the basketball hoop is still safely in its box.

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