Friday, May 9, 2014


This story is a bit light on Elijah and Luca, and is really a story about me.  But aren’t all HamannEggs stories really just about me?

I was on airplanes and in airplane parking lots most of the day yesterday.  I didn’t get home until almost midnight and fell into bed with the kind of gusto that drinking three airport Sam Adams provides.

I felt like I had my eyes closed for exactly one second when I shot out of bed in terror.  Something had crashed loudly in our house.  I was immediately convinced we were being robbed. 

I ran out of our room, with the plan of racing headlong into the home thieves.  That way, I’d give Diana and the boys the chance to escape while I got dismembered by the bad guys clad in black stocking caps and striped shirts.  It didn’t occur to me to wake Diana and tell her this plan.  Or the boys.  But I figured the sound of my violent death would be loud enough.

I ran down the hall and into our dining room.  Under my feet I felt rocks and rubble.  Did the thieves steal our hardwood floor?

I turned on the dining room light.  Our floor was covered in plaster.

A ten foot chunk of our ceiling had collapsed and crashed to the floor.  There were plaster chunks and wood and nails and dust covering every inch of the dining room.  I was impressed with the mess, quite frankly.

I was also incredibly thankful this massive chunk of heavy vintage plaster hadn’t fallen on any children or dogs or wives.

Diana stumbled into the room and silently nodded.  She too seemed impressed by the disaster.  I looked at her and said, “Manana.”

And we went to bed.

I woke up early this morning and got to work.  I collected bag after bag of demolition and did my best to sweep up.  I threw everything into a corner and planned to drag it to the garbage cans after a quick shower.

When I dried off, Luca was standing, diaper-clad, in front of the mess.

“What’s this interesting stuff here, Wick?” he asked.

“Look up, homie,” I said.

I saw the gaping hole in our ceiling and began whisper-shouting, “Our roof fell in!  Our roof fell in!  I have to tell Eli!”

I had to physically restrain him from waking up his brother and assured him Eli would surely notice in time.

I then instructed him to get into bed with his mom.  He obeyed and I noticed as he slid under the sheets that his feet were covered in plaster dust. 

I look forward to that tonight.

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