Friday, April 11, 2014

Raccoon and Cute Little Bear

Luca requires a blankie to sleep.  But he also requires the attendance of two stuffed animals:  Cute Little Bear and Raccoon. 

Raccoon is a filthy stuffed creature given to him by the drunken man who built our basement (“Snata Claus” for you Hamann Eggs experts). The wretched thing holds a wilted yellow butterfly and smells vaguely of cigarettes. 

Cute Little Bear is a bit of a mystery.  Partly because there is very little cute about it.  It has matted fur and frighteningly evil eyes.  We also aren’t entirely sure how it arrived at our house.  Did the neighbor give it to him?  Did Grover dig it out of the yard?  Did a raven drop it from the sky?

Anyway, he needs them to sleep.  I cannot count how many times I’ve been awoken at 3am to conduct an emergency search through his bedding to find these things.  These searches are always accompanied by a hysterical Luca and an angry Elijah.

So imagine the panic that spread through our hotel room when we realized Cute Little Bear and Raccoon went missing.  Actually, the panic was just Diana and me.  It was naptime and Luca casually mentioned he couldn’t find CLB and R.  We did a cursory search and came up missing.  We somehow convinced Luca to sleep with only his blankie but went on a frantic search of the hotel room after he drifted off.

Diana and I mouthed the words “Where the heck is it?” and “ They were right here!”  Finally Diana mouthed the impossible “Did the cleaning lady steal them?”

This was a pretty far-fetched idea.  I mean, we had literally thousands of dollars of Apple products just begging to be plucked.  And as I said before, Cute Little Bear and Raccoon are disgusting.

But after flipping the room they were nowhere to be found.  Diana left to continue the search while I thought of what to do if they didn’t come back.  I began to concoct a plan.

In my head, I wrote a letter from Cute Little Bear and Raccoon.  It read:

Dear Luca,

We are in love and have decided to live permanently in Costa Rica.  We plan to open a surf shop catering to stuffed animals.  We know this may hurt, but please respect our love and know we will always cherish our time with you.


Cute Little Bear and Raccoon.

As I was about to put pen to paper, Diana burst in holding Cute Little Bear and Raccoon.  She had spoken with housekeeping and the two Luca bedmates had gotten tangled in the sheets and had accidentally ended up in the laundry. 

All was well, but I still liked the idea of them opening up a gay stuffed animal surf shop.

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