Last weekend, Diana flew to France to hang out with her two sisters. Rather than feel guilty about the eventual breakdown of society within our walls, I embraced it. I declared it “Dudes Weekend.”
“What’s the first rule of Dudes Weekend?” I’d shout?
“There are no rules!” They’d shout back.
As we repeated this over and over, Diana backed out of the house with her luggage, looking around as if it was the last time she’d see it undestroyed again.
I sat Elijah and Luca down and explained, “Look, this weekend we can do whatever we want. Anything. You name it.”
“Can we watch TV?” Elijah asked.
“Well, yes. But you do that every day. Think bigger.”
“Can we watch a movie?” Elijah asked.
“Well, yes of course. I don’t think really understand the concept of ‘Dudes Weekend.’ Remember, the first rule of ‘Dudes Weekend?’”
“Can we poop on the computer?” Luca piped up.
“Okay. Well that is definitely on the other end of the spectrum. Let’s dial it back a bit.”
We went back and forth for a while and landed on a trip to McDonalds followed by a sleep over with their cousins and permission to watch “Family Guy Star Wars with the bad words” and “Bob’s Burgers.”
They also played enough Xbox to guarantee they’ll go to state school for college and ate not a vegetable.
In the end, giving freedom to people who have everything they could ever want is a wasted effort.
Oh! I totally forgot. I quit my big advertising job and took another advertising job. But this time at America’s Finest News Source, The Onion. Yes, it is my dream job.
More on that later.