Imposter Dog

 

We take Jerry to Doggie Daycare a couple times a week. It’s our way of avoiding taking him for walks. Plus, he turns into a real jerk if he doesn’t get 17 hours of exercise a day. The process is pretty easy. Drive to the place, call the number, worker person comes and gets Jerry, Jerry has fun. At the end of the day, the process goes in reverse.

Or it doesn’t.

Diana and Eli drove to daycare a few weeks ago and called the number. “We’re here for Jerry!”

A minute goes by. Another minute. Five minutes. Eventually, a worker person came out and popped their head through the window.

“It seems like we have a little problem.”

Go on…

“We think we gave Jerry to the wrong person.”

Interesting. It was difficult for Diana to calibrate her rage. The daycare dropped the ball on the most fundamental of jobs. MAKE SURE THE ANIMALS END UP WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE. 

But Imposter Dog’s owner is not without sin. How do you drive away with the wrong dog? Yes, we live in an affluent north shore suburb. You are issued a Goldendoodle at the same time you are issued your hybrid car. They just let Jerry jump into their car and thought, “Close enough.”

Diana and Eli went home because where else where they going to go? To the Dog Detectives?

An hour or so later, the Vet called. Imposter Dog’s owner took Jerry to get vaccinated. The Vet had gone so far as to tell them, “Wow, Imposter Dog seems to have gained 20 pounds since your last visit.”  Imposter Dog’s owner just shrugged and said, “What a fatso.”

The Vet checked the little chip inside and discovered that this was not, in fact, Imposter Dog, but was Jerry Friggin Hamann. 

Diana rescued Jerry and Imposter Dog was reunited with his idiot owner. 

Then we went on a ride called The Apology Express. The daycare owner was so distraught in their mea culpa that they debated closing the business for good and moving to a deserted island with no dogs. Diana just said a million free days at daycare would suffice.

Imposter Dog’s owner also sent a lengthy apology via email. It turns out that Imposter Dog’s owner was an absentminded professor at the local college, which made perfect sense. 

In the days that followed, the daycare instituted a whole new set of rules regarding pick up and drop off. Two-step identifications. Little handwritten reminders of who was who. Not smoking weed every 15 minutes. We like to call them “Jerry’s rules.”

But within a week or so they stopped all the new protocols. Next time we pick up Jerry I hope we get a Dachshund.