COVID Scare

On the day they announced Biden’s victory (see my last, kinda maudlin post), we invited a few people over for drinks and burgers. Yeah, I know we’re living through a deadly pandemic. But democracy! And we’ve been really safe. What would one tinsy little party do? 

Duh.

Yep, one of our party goers got the COVID. Which meant we were officially a super spreader event. The boys and I were able to cut through our terror by placing all blame on Diana, who technically organized the party. We rode her so hard she snapped by mid-morning.

We had to get tested stat. Or stat after a 5 day waiting period.

Our best bet was heading to the urgent care place across town. The only issue? They had a strict “we only test people with symptoms” policy. So I sat the boys down and explained that lying is bad in 99.9% of cases with the one exception of when it is convenient.

Eli was totally on board. Lying is a way of life for 13 year olds. Luca was not on board. Suddenly he became Abe Lincoln. 

“But lying is bad,” He moaned. 

“Do you want to know if you have COVID or not?”

We drive to the urgent care place and I approached the front desk for one of my patented “Dr. Hamann” performances. I told the checker inner lady that we had been exposed and were feeling a little off. You know, oogy. The lady saw right through my lie and sensed Luca was the weakest link.

“Are you sick, young man?”

Luca quietly shook his head. JUDAS! 

I spent the next 24 hours pitching the benefits of lying to Luca. Some of his favorite people lie. The President does it all the time. Lying gets us what we want without having to face any consequences at all!

Finally, he relented and agree to go back to the Den of Dishonesty. Luca spent the entire time with the expression of a person whose last shred of childhood was being snatched by a lazy father.

Long story short, we got the test (very uncomfortable) and the results came back negative. We’re in the clear. We’ve also redoubled our commitment to wearing masks and social distancing. I also explained that from now on, we shouldn’t lie.

In case you are wondering, our friend with COVID is doing fine. He is quarantining in his basement with a new TV and newly acquired golf channel subscription.

Wear a mask, everyone!