Sixth Grade Science Fair

We try not to put too much pressure on the kids, academically. I had enough scholastic anxiety for the both of them. I used to stab myself in the leg with #2 pencils in second grade, so I’m trying a non-stab inducing approach with Elijah and Luca. Do your best. Be nice. Don’t get lead poisoning in your thigh.

Eli had been working on a big science project most of the semester that culminated in a big fair this week. The theme was solving an environmental issue. Eli chose the water we waste when we take baths. Which makes sense because he bathes constantly. It’s the only way a 12 year old can watch YouTube videos without your brother/father/mother constantly bothering you. I hope he’s only watching YouTube videos in there.

His solution? A little tube thingy that recycles your bath water for use in your garden. His demonstration was a purple house modeled after ours, plus a clay tub and straw and other stuff I didn’t really look at because I would be too tempted to point out any flaws in his plan. And in the leg goes the pencil.

I didn’t attend the Science Fair because I am not emotionally equipped for sixth grade pressures. Diana accompanied him. The deal was Eli would present his work to some judges and they would determine which kids get ribbons, and which are total failures who should go live under a bridge.

Eli wore a suit because he is completely awesome.

Oh, but what’s this? His project was not on his designated table. It was nowhere to be found. When they tracked down his teacher, who was completely frazzled by the 4 billion kids and parents asking her questions, she simply threw up her hands. According to Diana, Eli got a very Rick look in his eyes.

They eventually found it on the exact opposite side of the room and raced to get it judged. But the judges had already moved on from Eli’s area. Eli began to panic and Diana wanted to go get in her car and drive west until she saw ocean. Instead, she tracked down the judges and forced them to do their jobs for which they were not paid.

I later saw video of Eli giving his presentation and he was so adorable it would make your head explode.

Later, Eli and Diana went to the awards presentation where they gave out tons of ribbons in every conceivable category. Eli sat on the edge of his seat and clapped politely as student after student got called to the stage for a prize. Can you see where this is going?

Eli didn’t get one.

He was devastated. The science teacher announced that more ribbons would be given out the next day, as late tabulations were still happening. But this didn’t change the defeat in Eli’s eyes. Upon hearing this, I suggested we all become missionaries in Haiti. We hugged him and told him we were proud of him and he didn’t need no stinkin’ ribbon. But he just went upstairs to waste some water in his bathroom.

Thankfully, the next day Eli received a first prize blue ribbon for his efforts. And the world suddenly made sense again. He was back to his old self and jokingly asked Diana how much a blue ribbon was worth, dollar wise.

And she gave him a fist full of money from her wallet.