GOAL!

I really enjoy Luca’s Sunday soccer games. They’re late enough in the day that you can get some stuff done. They coincide with Diana’s day off from the wine store. Plus, they have very low stakes.

The team is not good. They’ve been clobbered by 6 or 7 goals every game. There as a pretty big stretch where our team didn’t score a single goal. This, coupled with the fact Luca is two years younger than almost everyone else in the league, means it’s just great that Luca shows up.

The stress is low. Diana and I simply sit in the sun, hold hands and watch the team get dismantled every week. We always keep an eye on the proceedings, as there is nothing worse than parents who spend the game on their phone. But we don’t get all crazy about it. Sometimes we’ll shout out the name of Luca’s teammate to prove we know the name of his teammates. And you know I love me some AYSO based comedy.

A few Sundays ago, we set up our canvas foldy chairs and waited for the extermination of The Silver Fire by The Other Team Whose Name Is The Color Of Their Jerseys and An Animal Or Fire Based Noun. I noticed the TOTWNITCOTJAAAOFBNs were coached by a co-worker of mine. My normal social anxiety was coupled by a desire not to have to have an awkward conversation with a fellow dad about how crappy our team is. So I tightened my sweatshirt hood over my head, real slick like.

The game started as they always do, with children crashing into each other and the two kids who are actually good completely taking over. Luca was on defense. What Luca lacks in size and experience, he more than makes up for in speed and enthusiasm. The little guy races all over the field.

His enthusiasm caused him to be woefully out of position for a defensive player. He was standing right in front of the opposite team’s goal when his teammate passed him the ball. He turned and shot the ball. Into. The. Goal.

Words cannot describe what came over me. I am normally a painfully reserved person. A lifelong effort not to be noticed has neutered my ability to show enthusiasm about anything. When Luca scored that goal, I became an insane person. I leapt out of my canvas foldy chair, sending it toppling backwards. I screamed a string of unintelligible words, like I was speaking in tongues. Diana and I did that thing where you hug and jump at the same time. Remember when Howard Dean ruined his presidential chances by making that weird “Yehaw” noise on stage? The noises I made would make Howard Dean say, “Take it down a notch.”

For the rest of the game, Luca attempted not to make eye contact with us out of utter embarrassment. But that didn’t stop Diana and me from shouting, “You are getting an ice cream cone, mister!” whenever he ran by.

The Silver Fire ended up winning their first game of the season. Okay, technically I know you aren’t supposed to keep score. But everyone does and they won. So there.

Luca spent the rest of the day eating ice cream and acting kind of grouchy. Most likely due to exhaustion. Or ego.