Sunday, March 19, 2017

The Speech

We share an alley with a national government official. She’s pretty nice and doesn’t cause a lot of fuss in the neighborhood. Occasionally a group of protestors will chant in front of her house and shake anti-abortion signs, but that just gives me the opportunity to take my middle fingers out for a spin.

A few months ago, Diana spotted an old, gross government toilet in the alley behind the official’s house. Knowing the city would never take away this official throne, Diana hauled it away to toss out in her Wine Goddess industrial garbage.

We had her right where we wanted her. In the Chicago way, all we had to do was ask. Turn a blind eye to our constant nudity? Take care of my lone parking ticket? Have the local skunk taken out? She was ours. Diana opted to cash in her governmental chips by having the official speak at The Wine Goddess during one of Diana’s events to overthrow the government.

The event was a postcard writing party where women wrote notes to President Trump like, “Show us your taxes!” And, “Seriously, show us your taxes. My note was, “Бросить, пока вы может.“ “Quit while you can” in Russian. Thanks Google Translate!

The government official swooped in, scanned the crowd and immediately launched into her go to speech for angry women half drunk on Prosecco and civic duty.

About 45 seconds into the speech, Elijah decided it was the perfect time to use the power hose to wash dishes in The Wine Goddess kitchen. Without a beat, the official simply raised her volume to drown out the roar of water and the subsequent Diana shout whisper to knock it off.

Luca’s protest was a little subtler. He positioned himself at the wine bar behind the official as she spoke. Any photograph taken during the event would come with the caption, “Local Government Official Endorses Local Child Alcoholic!” Luca also mockingly mimicked the official’s speech, rolling his eyes and silently mouthing her words.

By the time Diana dragged the boys to the front door, I was already packed and ready to go. We spent the rest of the event playing video games. Our civic duty.

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