Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Trump News

Last night, around the time James Carville had a hissy fit about Donald Trump’s chances in Michigan, I began to snap at the boys. I even made Elijah cry about some minor infraction involving fish sticks.

I apologized to Eli, explaining I was very upset about the possibility of Trump winning. Which caused him to become even more upset. What if Trump wins? Will we go to war? Will we have to move? Should we be scared?

We’d been portraying Donald Trump as a villain for months. We’ve encouraged the boys to make fun of his hair and dumb orange skin and they overheard us talking about Donald dropping nuclear bombs and going to war with China. About walls and illegal alien squads and punishment for abortion. We pushed them to say, “I hate Donald Trump” and, “Trump is a stupid head.” We threatened to move to New Zealand if he won. Ha ha.

We encouraged this talk because there was no way this bad, terrible monster could win. We would protect them. Their parents would never let this racist, homophobic, misogynistic demon succeed.

This morning, I opened Diana’s computer and the first article I found was “How to talk to your kids about the Trump victory.”

I was overwhelmed by a desire to slip out and let Diana deal with it. But I waited for the boys to wake up so I could break the news. Like a dad.

As I brushed my teeth, Eli burst into the bathroom and furiously peed. He noticed me and asked, “Who won last night?”


He ran from the room and jumped in his bed to hide. I sat down next to him and he said, “I feel like I want to throw up and have diarrhea at the same time.” Articulating exactly how 50% of America felt at that moment.

Luca came in at that moment and burrowed his way into Eli’s bed. I said, “Guys. You have nothing to worry about. Even though Trump won, I promise I will protect you. You will always be safe. Do not be scared. I will always protect you.”

Eli said, “I’m scared.”

Luca said, “I’m sleepy.”

We all went downstairs and found Diana in her office, looking as though she was going to vomit in her coffee.

I announced in a very loud voice, “It’s all going to be ok! Do you hear me? Everything is going to be ok.”

Right? Everything is going to be ok. Right?

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