Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Key Lime Cove

Wait a minute.  I write a blog?  I love blogs! 

Sorry for the lack of posts, but I came back from my shoot to a smallish mountain of work just waiting for a completely jet-lagged man like myself to mess it up. 

But allow me to back up a minute to tell a tail of the greatest/worst place in the world.

About three days before I was set to come home from South Africa, I got the call that happens every time I go out of town:  The Broken Diana call.  It usually involves bouts of crying mixed with detailed descriptions of all Elijah and Luca’s transgressions.  This latest one involved Luca punching Diana in the eyeball, at the request of Eli.

I offered my condolences and said if there was anything I could do from my luxurious 5 star hotel bar, I would.  Diana suggested when I get home, I get the boys as far away from her as humanly possible. 

I suggested Wisconsin.  Namely, the Key Lime Cove waterpark.  I’d seen it from the highway on a few trips north and looked simply awful and great.  A big beige building with brightly colored waterslides erupting from every angle, kind of like a poop-filled Medusa.

I also heard it was wonderful and hideous from a few friends.  Great for kids, but Hell on earth for adults.  I was hooked.

I invited my brother’s clan along and after changing into our various super hero themed swim suits, we entered the pool.  It was glorious and miserable.  The air temperature was slightly too cold to be comfortable, yet warm enough to hasten the spread of disease.  The smell of urine/poop/chlorine was deafening. 

Eli’s eyes bugged out and I could tell I had just become the greatest dad in the history of the world.  I looked at Luca and instantly remembered, “Oh yeah.  Luca hates the water.”

Wanna go on the water slides?  No.  Want to go in the kiddie pool? No.  Wave pool?  Nope. 

I did finally convince him to ride an inner tube around the lazy river a few times.  But I accidentally capsized us and almost drowned Luca in a very un-lazy way.

We both decided our favorite ride in the park was the showers right before entering the pool.  They were so warm.  And so free of diaper residue.  Luca and I spent an hour lathering each other up and rinsing off. Glorious.

After our 50th shower, I suggested we all head to ye olde timey ice cream shoppe for burgers and, God willing, beers.  After we ordered from the perkiest waiter in the world, I noticed Luca did not seem well.  He was laying lifeless on the booth and his eye had a decidedly goopy look. 

Pink eye!  He also complained of an earache.  Most likely from whatever microscopic things lived in the lazy river.     

Exactly a half hour later, his ear became unbearable and along with it, his screams.  Since we were all sharing a room, I decided to drive him home to Evanston, wailing the whole time.  Thanks to a healthy dose of Children’s Tylenol, he fell asleep and his ear felt much better.

But his eye is still goopy.

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