Wednesday, August 8, 2012

A Word From The Dog

Hi guys.  I’m super busy at work right now and can’t devote any extra time to blogging.  So I’m going to turn the blog over to Grover, our dog.  My dad is going to be sooo excited.  He loves it when I do this.

Anyhoo, take it away, Grover!

Hello everybody!  It’s me, your loveable pal, Grover.  I’m writing to you from jail.  I’m currently being punished because I screwed up.  Big.  Time.  I’m so distraught that I could urinate on the carpet.  Which I think could make things slightly worse. 

I snapped at the boy. 

Which one?  I don’t know.  I can’t pronounce his name.  It sounds like, “Ehhhhh ehhhh.”  It was the bigger one. 

I was minding my own business, dead asleep on the couch when it came over and began shoving me.  It was saying a bunch of gibberish and pointing to that giant glowing box in the corner of the room.

Now, if it was a rabbit or a squirrel shoving me off the couch, I would have bitten its delicious head clean off.  Instead, I snapped at the boy.  Pretty close to his face.  But I did not connect.  He got really scared and cried a lot.

I know I know.  Not cool.

But I’m getting old.  I’m seven for crying out loud.  And all day long I have to deal with these little hairless monkey crawling all over me.  Pulling my tail.  Riding me like a horse.  I’ve tried to warn them.  By silently staring at them.  Apparently that didn’t get the message across. 

So I snapped. Literally.

The woman human did not take very kindly to it.  She did that thing where she stands over you with her hands on her hips and looks down at you. I shudder to think about it.  She also yelled a lot.  Yep.  Tail right between the legs.

And then she put me in their bedroom and locked the door.  I’ve been here for at least 7 dog hours.  Granted, I am currently laying on their bed with the delightfully stinky pillows and I’m chewing Diana’s favorite stuffed bear.  But it’s still pretty awful.

While I was getting banished, I did hear the woman human tell the boy human something about me in pretty stern terms.  My English is terrible, but it sounded like, “Blah blah blah Grover.  Be nice.  Blah blah blah.”

Well.  I hope I get out here soon so I can go apologize to the boy human.  By staring at him silently.


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