Diana and the boys headed down to Georgia a few weeks ago to visit her sister. My German/Lutheran-ness wouldn’t allow me to take the three days off. What if someone needed me to attend a meeting about a meeting? What if???
They didn’t miss me.
The trip was simple: O’Hare – Savana. Eat good food. Hang with good people. Savana-O’Hare.
My plan was also simple: Watch crap. Eat crap. Drink crap. Finish my big Simpson’s Lego.
Just as I was easing myself into a vat of crap, I began receiving urgent texts from Luca. “Dad. Mom is crazy. Dad. Make mom stop. Dad. Help.”
I called Diana’s phone to make sure she hadn’t gotten into a scuffle with TSA over her bomb of a figure. Bam! Apparently, the flight was oversold and the agents were offering the staggering sum of $5,000 in travel miles to take a later flight. Her sister was planning a trip to France later this summer and Diana thought the dough would be a lovely sisterly gift.
However the five G’s was only good for one, so the boys would have to fly by themselves. The gate agents felt like they were up to the task. Diana felt they were up to the task. Luca and Elijah thought they were walking into a disaster.
I asked her to put Luca on. “You are witnessing what I like to call ‘Diana Crazies.’ There is no cure. There is no stopping her. I recommend you just get on the plane and if something goes wrong you’ll basically get to hold it over her head forever.”
Before Luca could respond they were ushered onto the plane. It went fine. They drank diet Cokes and watched videos. Di’s sister met them at the gate and they met up with Diana a few hours later.
Fast forward through great fun on their side and 4 kinds of self abuse on my side. They landed back in Chicago and Diana went to the airline gate to acquire about the miles, which had yet to appear in her frequent flier account.
The woman said, “Miles? What miles? No miles here.”
Eli and Luca took a seat and prepared to watch everyone’s favorite show, “Don’t Mess With Diana.” Did she take the later flight for her health? What kind of airline do you think you are running here? Say, where is your supervisor? And where is their supervisor? Yeah, let’s get all the supervisors here.
They did an amazing job of fighting off Diana. Miles? What’s a mile? This isn’t an airline. We make cookies here. Mr. Burns old fashioned extra chewy…”
Suddenly, Luca appeared at her side. In his pre-flight Tik-Tok-ing on the way to Georgia, he happened to record a pivotal moment in Hamann History. The gate agent speaking clearly into a microphone, “We are willing to give up $5,000 in miles for anyone willing to take a later flight to Savana.”
So many apologies. Diana ate the apologies like M&Ms. Nom nom nom. Delicious apologies. Oh, I couldn’t possibly have another apology. But you know what? You only live once. I’ll take another 40.
And now Di’s sister and family will be traveling to France this summer on the dime of the good people at United Airlines.
Today’s picture is the Lego I built.
