Kisses

For the longest time, Luca resisted any and all affection from Diana and me. He would struggle out of our hugs and scream bloody murder when we tried to kiss him. We used to force him to kiss us to gain access to the X-Box or TV time. And he would seriously consider if it was worth playing his favorite video game to have to stoop to putting his lips on our cheek.

But over the last few months, he’s become a real love bug. He will shout from the other room, “Dada!  I LOVE you!”  And mean it. Really mean it. He shouts at Diana his love for her, shouts at Hannah his love for her. Eli? Not so much. He crawls in bed with us to cuddle at all hours of the night.

And he kisses. A lot.

A little while ago, he told me very matter of factly that he kisses his cousin Rory on the lips when she comes over to visit.  They go hide in his bunk and smooth the day away.  I told him it wasn’t exactly legal for them to get married, but for now some innocent kissing cousin action was ok.

Yesterday, he told me he also kisses his friend Luciano on the lips in school. “Dad. Sometimes I kiss Luciano in front of my class.”

Sheesh, this kid gets around.

My reaction was of course supportive of his man on man kissing. I’m not going to be the guy who discourages that. I don’t own a gun rack or a confederate flag sticker on my truck. So as a liberal I am duty bound to say, “Cool man. Kissing Luciano sounds like a great way to spend a school day.

I asked him how the rest of his class reacts to this public display of affection and he said, “Oh. No one cares.”

Welcome to Evanston in 2014.

Perspective

A week ago, I got a call from Hannah. Apparently, her duties as nanny now include hand pumping sewer water, as it was seeping up through our basement drain.  Rage level: 5.

I called Roto Rooter and they send over a nice Eastern European man who put a camera into our pipes, to the tune of $500. Rage level: 4.

The nice Eastern European man immediately called his boss and waited anxiously and smoked anxiously on our front lawn.  Rage level: 3.

His plump boss was the king of man who is highly trained at telling people bad news.  There was a lot of “Sir” and “Can I show you something, sir?” Apparently, our big, beautiful trees in our front lawn have been plotting my destruction over the last 150 years.  Their impenetrable roots had burrowed into our pipes, rendering them ineffective at getting our poop from our toilet to the sewer.  They would have to get a giant backhoe and dig a big hole in our lawn.  Right in the middle of our landscaping. Rage level: 9.

I asked, “What’s this going to cost me?”

“$5,000.” Rage level: 11.

I spent the night tossing and turning in bed, dreaming of explaining to Elijah and Luca why it was more important for us to poop than for them to go to college.

I was awake when I heard the backhoe rumble to life in our front yard.  Rage level: 12.

Then I heard Eli scream from the front of our house, “LUCA! LUCA!  There’s a machine in our yard!  It’s digging!  It’s digging!”

Luca raced past our bedroom door and screamed so loud it made Grover bark. 

The boys pounded on our windows, shrieking with delight.  They were insane with glee.

Rage level: 0.

Jack

There are two distinct philosophies around Halloween at our house. 

If you are in the Eli and Rick camp, Halloween is a time of dread and terror.  Where second graders with bloody “Scream” masks ruin everything.

If you are Luca and Diana, Halloween is a lovely time filled with chocolate and Spiderman costumes and did I mention chocolate?  And sometimes you find your best friend, who happens to be a skeleton.

Yes, Luca’s best friend is a skeleton.

Diana bought a bunch of fun Halloween decorations while I was in New York.  One of them happened to be a short human skeleton.  Luca named him Jack and they are inseparable.  Luca sleeps with him and puts him down for naps and talks to him nonstop.

This was told to me while I was walking down 5^th Avenue to meet my friend Kevin for some bourbon.  I thought it was a bit Luca and Diana were running to mess with me and also to make me feel guilty for being out of town.

But sure enough, when I arrived back today Luca introduced me to his friend Jack.  He made its bony mouth move and they had a fairly normal conversation.  I can’t really decide if it’s adorable or creepy.

It’s a bit of both.

Tooth 2

This is a short one.  But I want to get it down on internet paper before I forget.

Elijah lost his second tooth.  Was it biting into an apple? No. Steak? No. Did he get punched by a bully or tie it to a door via dental floss?  Nope and nope.

He lost it biting Luca in the butt.

The news of this reached us in New York via Hannah and Nanny.  There was really no other explanation and Diana and I were left to our imaginations as to how this transpired.

When we got home we asked Elijah to tell us the story of how it happened, hoping to shed some kind of light on the butt biting.

Eli said, “Well, Luca was there and I bit his butt and my tooth came out.”

“Why did you bite his butt?” We asked.

“I just did.”

“Yes he did,” Luca added a little too enthusiastically.

I believe my brother, who was acting Tooth Fairy at the time, gave him a few extra bucks for creativity.