I was working at a beach in France last week. I’ll give you a moment to let that soak in. Aside from suffering from some low level wine poisoning, I really missed the family and the time difference made it tough to connect.
We opted for a daily morning video chat. I would call in and find them all snuggled in bed looking cute and then they’d struggle to find things to talk to me about. “I dunno. Camp” was the most frequent response to my questions.
Except for Tuesday.
On Tuesday, I called in as usual. My screen first filled with Diana’s lovely face. She told me about the mystery leak in our dining room ceiling. A team of plumbers cannot discover what is causing a slow drip drip every time someone showers. We’ve decided to just call it a water feature.
The screen then filled with Elijah’s face. He spent the entire time looking at his own reflection in the phone screen. Like father, like son. I couldn’t get anything good from him so I asked that he hand the phone to Luca.
There was a little fumbling with the phone and then my screen was filled with…Luca’s penis. There it was, in all its glory. A screen full of 6 year old wiener. I politely asked him to move the camera away from his junk, because that’s how Jared from Subway got arrested. But nope, the rest of our conversation was man to wee wee.
When I got home, we had our postponed Father’s Day celebration, delayed while I was in Cannes. My jetlag forced me awake at 6am that day, so I tried to be extra quiet. But Luca heard me and came out of his room to scream whisper, “Happy Father’s Day!”
He then extracted a hand made card from his room and presented it to me proudly. It read, “Happy Father’s Day Chad! Oops. I meant Dad!”
You gotta hand it to the kid. He’s got skills.